I wish I could be a little kinder to myself

I wish

I could be a little kinder to myself

Today or any other day...

I don't know if I deserve it...

I don't know what it will take...

I don't know if I ever could be...

But I wish

I could be a little kinder to myself

Today or any other day...

I think I am done yaar...💬

"I am feeling kind of done yaar... Losing it every day slowly... And don't even feel like putting any effort to turn things around... Like what is the point... It is a dead end anyway... Everything is in a spiral... And it is going to shatter the leftover pieces in some way or the other... It is just a matter of time... Everyone has a life going on that is already the priority and there is no space where another one can fit into that frame... Seems like I am not on the right side of time again... Too much or not enough but never the only one... But that is ok too... Rather everything is ok... Except for me, it seems... I am the one bringing in a storm and making chaos and dreaming of things knowing that can never be mine the way I want and still asking for it like a child that has nothing but an innocent desire to just be for once... But no one wants that child... It needs to go... And the maturity is too heavy to carry too... It feels like it is also now enough of putting a brave face on like life is good where all I wait for is the darkness of the night where I can be the hollow existence that I feel like...But all in vain... Only if it made anything any better at all..."

That's all she could write as the moon was rising as the night came along and she curled back into the bed wondering how much more she is yet to break down still or if it was time and it could just be that final one...

#tipsytalks #life #shortstories

I wish you could see yourself from where I am seeing!

I wish you could see yourself from where I am seeing.

You could see how beautiful you are and that it is not even the best thing about you.

You could see how well you keep spilling love to everyone you come across.

You could see what a deadly combination you are of a sharp mind and an innocent heart.

You could see how you define kindness in the kindest way possible.

You could see what a tremendous impact on the life you are making by every single thing you are doing.

You could see how much you are loved, cared and trusted even in the moments when it is not evident.

I wish you could see yourself from where I am seeing.

#TipsyTalks

Today, I set myself free!

What I express is true. What you experience is true.

So let's embrace them both. And let them both brew!

Whatever I see, hear, or feel around you,

none of it is the truth, but to me, it is true!

What you say is what, in me, you view.

I need not agree. But to you, it's true!

We both have the lenses of what's true to us.

Yet, the lenses are unique to each. So why, of it, make a fuss!

When there is a sense of truth, there is no rush.

We all like to paint our world with our colors and our brush!

People, perspectives, objectives, and thought aspect,

They're only different, challenging, and not difficult.

When we stick labels and lock them in tightening the bolts,

is when, even with the intentions in place, we put everything on a halt.

Today, from what appears to be the truth, I set myself free.

Accepting that I am unique like everyone, I let things be.

That Broken Piece of the Half Poetry

And when people say always and forever...
I am not the one to believe it ever...
As that is something we might see never..!

A world full of deceptions false hopes around...
Not sure who I need to keep in surround...
But I am definitely not losing my ground...!

Days full of confusions and fears...
Coping nights of doubts and tears...
Still going on deafening the ears...!

With a quiet voice I just can't avoid...
No matter how much I get toyed...
I must shine and rise out of the void...!

No! It's not easy...!

No! It's not easy...!

To look into your eyes and still continue...

Stay a little more is all I wish from you...

For all that we have ever been...

This was not accepted but always foreseen...

No! It's not easy...!

To set ourselves free to the world...

As all this while, we have been curled...

But right now, stopping each other...

Would be like caressing the struggling feather...

No! It's not easy...!

To you be just you and I be just me...

After being so puzzled with what we meant by we...

This may not be something we had wished...

Yet it was hidden waiting to be unleashed...

No! It's not easy...!

When you know every ounce of the other...

And understand it needs a change before it starts to bother...

It may definitely not seem too cozy...

But hey! who said that the paths will be all rosy...!

No! It's not easy...!

Until we stay strangled within names and limitations...

Something we always agreed are just imitations...

So... Let's be us... Let's be the way we are...

Just a beat away... No matter how far...

Trust me or not, It's always the end...

Trust me or not, It's always the end...

I wonder why people wonder
Why their life has become a blunder
How difficult it must be
To set yourself free!
Please someone for once amend
Their mind that it's always the end...

It has always been the same
Just like any game
"In the end, it should be good"
Is what they say to allude
But with time it must and will bend
What remains is always the end!

Past may be jumbled
It may make you look fumble
But when you start to stumble
Don't just let your soul crumble
Everything else is just a trend
Matter is how you feel when it's the end...

You may be a puzzle unsolved
There may be uncountable thoughts robed
People who think they know you
May be the first to have wrong view
A smile across is all you send
Till they know it's always the end...

Regrets and mistakes are just words
That could mean anything like free birds...
Feeling good or bad is not right or wrong
Just watch your heart and not the tongue
You are the one you should never offend
As you are what you will be left with when it's the end!

Trust me or not, It's always the end!

Listen to Yourself!!!

When tides are high... But you don't want to sigh...
When wind becomes stormy... But you want to fly...
Listen to yourself... Don't be shy!!!

If life plays so tough that you can't even cry...
If you are full of doubts and you don't know why...
Listen to yourself... Just give it a try!!!

It may be a rosy walk or a thorny way...
You will never know by sitting at the bay...
Listen to yourself... Each and Everyday!!!

Think and be careful... What and how you weigh...
Nothing is just Black or White... But some shade of grey...
So... Listen to yourself... Don't just be a prey!!!

And Yet Again...!

'You are a strong head person. You can not break down like this.',
she tried iterating in mind till she could feel it as a bliss.
But somewhere down in heart, she knew it already...
her mind and heart were not anywhere being steady.

Life had played many games - fair or unfair;
Till it felt like a regular affair...
Too familiar and yet so stranger;
That is when it becomes the danger.

Changes have been a part and parcel,
And there is no option to call it Cancel!
But accepting the truth has been a deploy,
when every time it means a new Good Bye...!

Perceptions vary with new people coming in,
Expectations lets you not give in,
Hope and faith makes you still try,
But what if something inside already decided to die!

Endless thoughts running around the head,
She knew enough has been done and said.
Nothing could help to better her quest...
And Yet Again...
Being herself was the only choice left...!

That Random Self-Talk

Down the memory lane, when I stare back
Wandering if I have lost the track
Of things I always have cherished for!

So many thoughts get lost every night...
Questions go in vain, doubts lead to fight...
Leaving me even more quiet...

I wonder if it makes any sense.
But all I am left with now are
'What if' and 'I wish'!

I knew all along that life would be tough and not always fair...
That fighting my own demons would become a filthy affair...
And I can do nothing but just let it be!

Then what has become so different!
Why all I can think of is to lament
Over the hollowness that seems to triumph!

Am I not the one that I have been?
Who never let the shouts get through her...
Who always fights back and does no matter what it takes!

I know the essence of my being is still there, telling me to open the cuff...
Gather the fake burdens I am carrying and just sigh them off...

May be all I need to do is nothing but be myself!!!

That Moment... which was more than life.

"Oh Lord! I love this person this very moment.. more than anything.. It might seem like exaggeration but I am willing to give up everything I have ever earned for this moment...", she screamed in her mind right when he their eyes met and both uttered those three magical words in sync. That sleek smile she could not hide and ended with a soft kiss on his forehead.

It was just another day like almost every day. Same place. Same person from last one year or so. Starting from being strangers to knowing each other more than own-self, it was not all rosy. But as they say when something is meant to be, it will. No matter what. From meeting casually to spending almost each moment together, there has been fears, insecurities, love, understanding, care, trust, fights over past, frightened for the future or the lack of it!

Surely, it was not the first time that they were lying down on bed..relaxing.. talking.. There has been many such talks which started before sunset and ended after sunrise. There has been many such moments worth mentioning. Moments.. of truth..of secrets.. of trust.. of togetherness.. of sharing fears.. of just being there.. of love.. and many more...

But this was all total a different moment. She felt something she had never experienced before. She never knew how to react to this feeling. This was something she always avoided. Something that seemed a bollywood cliche and nothing more.

And then.. here it was. All of a sudden.

It was not like those butterflies in your stomach on seeing your crush.. or skipping a heartbeat when you see your love.. It made her feel accomplished. It made here feel secured.. That sense of being complete...may be for a moment. But hey!! Who cares!!!! People live all their life and die without getting it.

That one moment.. changed her inside out... set her free... She was a new person now. It made her feel that freedom she always desired for. She could not thank enough for that.

She understood that after that very moment everything will again be the same may be. May be she will never experience it again.. May be that person won't even realize that he meant the world to her..But then..isn't it worth it!

She kept her pen down with that with a smile on face when his presence in her heart overtook her mind.... :)

I wish you would get me right..this time!

I have seen you laugh and cry

I have seen you give in and try

You might have tried real hard to hide

But trust me.. That's not a pride...

Tell me or not ..some day.. any day..

You may keep it all at bay

But would you be able to live with it

When you will see your girl follow your way!

You say I must trust you and share secrets

For noone but you can keep it discrete

But everytime I come to you with hope

You ignore the opprtunities and highlight the threats!

I do understand that you love me a lot

But what good it is if it makes me rot

I have always adored and always I will..

For all that you have been and all that you did.

There have been moments I was so broke

And I always wondered should I settle in those strokes

But today I promise you just one thing

That I won't let anyone tame my wings..

I will make sure that I will be me..

And not be blindly following unresistant sea

I won't bend myself to fit in the box..

Rather I will jump out and set myself free...! 

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

THE MIRAGE

Hiding herself beneath the table...

In a corner of the empty room...

She cried.. and cried.. and cried...

Till she could not catch her breath anymore...

Afraid of the light... And the dark...

Running from the known...And the strangers...

What she was left with...

Was the restless mind with a thousand questions...

Questions that never got answered...

Wails that never got consoled...

All she achieved was...

That hollowness in heart to keep haunting her...

Between catching up with the ever galloping world...

And still keep surviving the white collar sweet lies...

What she forgot was...

To live for..and to love.. herself...

Within those turmoils of ever broken promises...

And being able to forgive everyone but herself...

Though torn apart inside every moment with the truth...

Still she kept chasing... The Mirage..

The Mirage... called life...

The Mirage... called love...

And...

The Mirage... was you...

For all she could not do...

Was stop loving you...

Unspoken.. Unheard.. Yet Felt....

"Is it my mistake that I love myself more than I love others..
Or that I decided to move on rather than fitting into the so called definitions by society..
Or that I fell for someone totally unexpected at such an unexpected moment!!!
Is it my fault that the past is messed up..
How am I responsible for what someone does with their past!!
Whether they decide to stick to the past or to move on..
It is solely their decision and NOT MINE!!!
And if you can't accept it.. that's YOUR problem..not mine..
Just because it din't turn out the way you imagined..
You cant blame me for that.. Unless you are weak enough not to respect yourself and move on...
I AM NO MISTAKE of anyone.. Listen it loud and clear..
And you or anyone is no one to label me..
Now.. Go and get your shit together..
Move on before you are done and dusted literally...."
, she said in her mind staring at nowhere..
Because she knew no one will understand but the diary..
No one will be bothered or care but the emptiness...
No one will ask how she feels because she is the so called strong minded brave heart girl...
No one will listen because truth makes people uncomfortable...
All she has is her faith.. that someday someone will look into her eyes..
And just let the silence do the talking......

Clueless yet loved...

What if I was not me and you were not you...

Could we still be we and do the things we do!!!

I know it seems so weird at this moment to say...

But what if we could go right back to the way...

The way it was before we met.. before these feelings were set..

Would you still have been the same!!!

I wonder if you would even call my name...

When the world is asleep.. The silence is loud...

So many thoughts cover my mind like cloud...

I can't sleep.. I can't stay awake..

I am still clueless which path to take...

Sometimes I wonder is it a mistake...

All that I feel is for real or fake.. 

No more I can distinguish between..

The crossing line has become so thin...

It's creating such an illusion..

Leaves me undecided which side I am on...

I still can't say why I am here...

All I can understand.. All I can hear...

Is my inner little voice that says you are dear...

And not worth losing for such vague fear...

So here I am.. With all my heart..

Till the time will tear as apart... :)